What Kind of a Husband Would Jesus Have Made?

What Kind of a Husband Would Jesus Have Made? Men can treat women very badly. Before the Gulf War it was customary for Kuwaiti women to walk ten paces behind their husbands. However, if you go to Kuwait today you will find that it is the husbands who walk ten paces behind. One woman explained the change in tradition this way: "Land mines." This kind of treatment has led to bitterness among many women.

Miss Ti-Grace Atkinson, a founding member of The Feminist and a former president of NOW claims that women understand her. She seeks to "eliminate sex, marriage, motherhood and love....

Marriage is legalized servitude. The male-female relationship is the basis for all human oppression." (The Pantagraphy, September 20, 1970) How should men treat women? How should a husband treat his wife? How should a man treat a woman on a date? How should a man treat a Christian sister or his mother or his daughter? Jesus becomes the pattern for us to look to, when we ask these questions. Jesus was the Perfect Man. We can look to Him for characteristics befitting a husband, befitting a man, because Jesus is our faultless example of maleness.

Jesus is as tough as a special forces Marine, but as tender as velvet toward women. He is a velvet covered brick! As we look at Jesus' treatment of women in the Bible, we have a lot of material. Women were prominent in the New Testament. Luke is called "the women's gospel." Consider Mary, the mother of Jesus, Mary Magdala, Mary and Martha of Bethany, and Joanna.

It is noteworthy that women were the first at Jesus' cradle, the last at His cross, and the first to discover His resurrection. So . . . what kind of husband WOULD Jesus have made? Would He have opened a door for a member of the opposite sex? Would He have shared "sexist" jokes with His disciples? Would He have involved Himself in physical or emotional abuse of women? Would He have looked at pornography? Jesus came to a world that did not appreciate women.

One of the prayers spoken by male Jews of the first century was "Lord, I thank you that I am neither a Gentile, nor a Samaritan nor a woman." This, of course, is not God's view. It is not a Biblical view. But it was the view of most Jewish men in Jesus' day. Jesus attitude toward women was completely different.

Jesus treated women with the utmost respect and tenderness. When addressing someone as "Woman," the Greek term He used is one of endearment and tenderness. Even when speaking to His own mother. He used this beautiful term, "Woman" (John 2:4). Jesus treated all women with respect and courtesy and He desired to give them a freedom to be what God had created them to be.

Here are tens freedoms that Jesus provided for the women that he interacted with. Do you provide these freedoms to your wife? Freedom to Trust To the woman at the well Jesus said, "Woman, believe Me....

" (John 4:21). The Lord asks women to believe in Him. Do you feel comfortable asking your wife to believe in you? Freedom to Ask Questions I don't know if you ever noticed, but the woman at the well asks a lot of questions (five in my translation of John 4). Jesus patiently answers each of her questions and leads her to understanding. This is one of the most difficult adjustments that I have had to make in my marriage.

The typical woman speaks 25,000 words in a day; the typical man speaks 12,000. Most men have used up their 12,000 words by the time they come home from work. So the wife says, "I thought you might talk to me while I sew." And the husband replies, "Why don't you sew to me while I read?" But Jesus had time to talk with women. Women need to talk.

Conversation is how they establish relationships and feel secure in relationships. Do you ever get impatient with your wife's questions? Are you impatient with her need to have conversation? A husband like Jesus would sacrifice his need in order to meet wife's need to relate. Freedom from Sickness According to Mark 1:31, Jesus was taken to Peter's house for dinner, but they found Peter's mother-in-law sick in bed. Was Jesus upset that dinner wasn't on the table? No, Jesus "went to her, took her by the hand and helped her up." Matthew adds that Jesus tenderly "touched her hand and the fever left her" (Matthew 8:15).

How do you react toward your wife when she is "under the weather"? Are you sympathetic and compassionate to her physically weak times, to her PMS, to her transition through menopause? The same incident is recorded in all three synoptic gospels and all three verify that, after her healing, Peter's mother-in-law began to wait on them. Do you see a connection between Jesus' tenderness to Peter's mother-in-law in sickness and her serving them? Freedom from Accusation Jesus asked the woman caught in adultery (John 8:10), "Woman, where are your accusers?" What have you accused your spouse of lately? Jesus said to the woman, "I do not accuse you" (John 8:11). Men can be very critical and judgmental of the women in their life. We accuse our wives by criticism, put downs, and sarcasm. Your wife will wilt in this atmosphere.

She needs the sunshine of mercy and encouragement to blossom. For her to grow, you need to give your wife ten compliments and encouragements, for every one criticism. Freedom to be Wrong In Matthew 20, we find a lady asking Jesus to allow her sons to sit on either side of Jesus Christ in His kingdom. This is a fairly prideful and theologically foolish request. Jesus cleared up her theology on this point, but HOW did He do it? Did He degrade her? Scold her? No.

He simply said, "You do not know what it is you are asking" (Matthew 20:22). And then Jesus goes on to gently correct her theology. Does your wife have the freedom to be wrong? In what manner do you discuss doctrine with your wife? Do you put her down when she doesn't have it just right? Or do you sensitively and tenderly correct her? Freedom from Need Even to young females, Jesus' manner is consistently loving. Jairus' daughter is an example of Jesus' love and care. To this young girl who had died, Jesus said simply, "Little lamb, arise" .

. . and then he requests that something be given to the girl to eat (Mark 5:41-43). What a tender picture of provision. At the cross, Jesus entrusted the care of His mother to the beloved disciple, John (John 19:26-27).

Tradition tells us that John would not leave Jerusalem until she had died in his arms. In what ways have you provided for the needs of your wife and children? Do you force your wife to hassle money out of you for legitimate needs? Are you willing to temporarily work that second job to pay off debts you have incurred? Freedom from Attack It is just six days before Jesus' death. Jesus is in Bethany just outside of Jerusalem. Some of Jesus' friends hold a supper to honor Him. Mary of Bethany comes in, breaks a jar of very expensive nard, and anoints Jesus head and feet with the ointment.

The gospels tell us that the disciples "rebuked her harshly" (Mark 14:5). I have this picture of Mary standing there, eyes downcast, being lectured and sneered at by twelve angry, judgmental men. One person comes to Mary's defense. Jesus says, "Leave her alone. She has done a beautiful thing to me" (John 12:7; Matthew 26:10).

"Leave her alone": Those must have been beautiful words to Mary. Do you defend your wife from attack? Is she free under the protection of your wing? Freedom to be Spiritual Jesus went to visit Mary and Martha of Bethany. Martha objected as Mary sat at the feet of Jesus and listened (Luke 10:42). With a tone of patient affection, Jesus said, "Martha, Martha, although you are stressed about many things, Mary has chosen that which will not be taken away from her." One thing is essential-- that you allow your wife to sit at the feet of Jesus.

Don't put down her spirituality. Don't disrupt her quiet time with the Lord. You do the housework, if necessary, so she can have time with the Lord. Freedom to be Emotional Jesus had died and was laid in a garden tomb. Mary Magdalene comes to the tomb and finds it empty.

She cries at not being able to find His body. As she is crying Jesus appears behind her and asks her (John 20:15), "Woman, why do you weep?" What is your reaction to the tears of your wife? Time magazine reported a startling discover. Time magazine had a cover story stating: "men and women are different." What an insight! And Time even told us why they are different: "Because they are born that way" (Time Magazine, January 20, 1992). Another amazing insight! What is so sad is that in our radical feminist, unisex culture we try to ignore male/female differences.

Thank God we are finally awaking to gender differences! Your wife is different from you. She is different emotionally, physically, and even spiritually than you. She is not wrong. She is different. Let me repeat.

This is not a matter of right or wrong. It's just different. Accept her emotional make-up. In many cases, she feels more deeply than you do. Rejoice in her ability to weep and laugh and let your world be enriched by the emotional texture of life that many men don't see.

Freedom from Sorrow At the garden tomb Mary Magdalene cannot see clearly through her tears. She thinks Jesus is the gardener and so she says, "Sir, if you have carried him away, tell me where you have put him, and I will get him." Jesus is so tender with Mary. He says her name with the greatest compassion: "Mary" (John 20:16). Jesus Christ doesn't want to see women grieve.

What do you do when your wife is hurting? Do you ease your wife's sorrow? Do you speak her name tenderly? (Or do you just say, "Get over it!") Conclusion So . . what kind of a husband would Jesus have made? What is evident in every situation when Jesus interacted with women? Respect, love, tenderness, instruction tempered with mercy. Are you ministering to your wife with such qualities? I've sketched a brief portrait of how the Perfect Man ministered to women. Now that you see His pattern of behavior, what are you challenged to change in your dealing with women in general .

. . and with your wife in particular? Jesus was tender, concerned and loving with the women in His life. Men, we need to be as tender as Jesus. Ephesians 5:25 says, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her to make her holy (special).

" Now we know a little bit better how to love the women in our lives. How are we going to do this with our male selfish, self-centered hearts? Well, we can't. We need a new heart. But this is the beauty of the gospel. We repent of what we are not doing and being and we go to Jesus, the perfect husband, and ask for a change of heart.

And He changes our heart to be more like His (2 Corinthians 3:17-18). So don't just vow to be different. Believe to be different. Our Father is just waiting for you to ask. Let me leave you with a final bit of tongue-in-cheek advice.

In order to really love your wife, you need to learn how to talk to her properly. Here is a short list of phrases that you need to avoid as you speak to her . . . She does not: GET PMS She becomes: HORMONALLY HOMICIDAL She is not: A BAD COOK She is: MICROWAVE COMPATIBLE She is not: A BAD DRIVER She is: AUTOMOTIVELY CHALLENGED She does not: GAIN WEIGHT She is: A METABOLIC UNDERACHIEVER She does not: SHOP TOO MUCH She is: OVERLY SUSCEPTIBLE TO MARKETING PLOYS And finally she does not: SNORE She is simply: NASALLY REPETITIVE Men, be tough, yet tender.

Love your wife as Jesus loves her. [The idea and some of the information for this teaching came from an article in the spring 1997 issue of MarrieD! Magazine.] Other pages you may want to visit: A List of Do's and Don'ts for Any Woman Trying to Save Her Marriage Help for Your Marriage