The Ministry of Motherhood

The Ministry of Motherhood By Judith Ruhe Diehl I recently asked a 33-year old first-time mother, "What are you doing with yourself these days?" She replied, "Oh, I’m just a mother." Then she added defensively, "And I love it!" Just a mother! Just a mother! What a loaded answer! Unfortunately, Rachel has bought into the denigrated stereotype of the mother as second class. She sees herself in a state of reduction, as less of a person now that she is out of the work force and caring for an infant full time. She accepts our society’s judgement of the less valuable, less important woman who chooses to nurture her child instead of being "out there" in a paid job. The Rachels of this world need to be affirmed in this most significant of all ministries, the raising of children.

What is more valuable to any society than the nurturing and care of the next generation? There is an old adage that when you educate a man you educate an individual, but when you educate a woman you educate a family. What can be more important than bringing to maturity caring productive people? A mother provides the primary care of the totally dependent infant, -- the food and the security – that sets the psychic tone for the rest of the life of that child. Recent studies point to the possibility of an utero psychological conditioning in addition to the conditioning of the infant. The Catholic church and observant mothers have known for many years what psychologists are finally acknowledging; that is, that the kind of a person an adult is, is shaped within the first five years of that person’s life. Another way of saying it is that you can know the future adult if you observe the small child.

What an awesome, frightening responsibility for all mothers! A mother wears many hats and must be a jack of all trades. She is a teacher when she passes along skills like tying shoes and baking cakes and sewing on buttons. She teaches facts like where do babies come from and why does the rain fall and what makes ice. She teaches values, too, like honesty, responsibility, caring and integrity. She generally is the person who sees that the child gets to Sunday School and church.

She and other mothers make up the bulk of teachers in Sunday School, Vacation Church schools and parochial schools. A mother is a prophet. She tells her child that if she puts a finger in the light socket she will be hurt, if he puts a hand on a stove he will be burned and if she plays with a sharp knife she will cut herself and she will bleed. A mother is a flexible planner. Although most of her planning is subject to constant change she still must plan ahead for babysitting, shopping, cooking and so forth.

A mother is a home manager. She provides order from chaos through balanced meals, a tidy house, set bedtimes, and insistence on mannerly behavior. She is the civilizer of the small-undisciplined people in her care. A mother is a role model for her daughters. She demonstrates daily her priorities of nurturing concern for not only her children but also for neighbors and friends and relatives.

If she is a good mother her daughters will likely be good people. Nurturing patterns follow through generation after generation and are difficult to change. A mother is a role model for her sons in the sense that her behavior will set the pattern of expectations the sons will have for other women. She is the first love of every son because of her fundamental role of lifegiver/caretaker. As a boy grows up he feels a need to distance himself, be less dependent on his mother.

But, interestingly, men frequently choose for their wives women who are very much like their mothers. Most of all, mothers are indispensable. Without mothers there would be an end to humankind. What greater affirmation of motherhood can there be than to know that mothers are the only people who can assure that there is continuity in families and in the entire human race! Of course, "it takes two to tango", but after conception the woman’s role is God given and unique. We may someday grow babies in test tubes, but through all our past history and for the foreseeable future a woman must be the host for nine months so that, through the birth process, she can become a mother to a living, breathing human being.

Although motherhood can at times be boring, monotonous, infuriating, meaningless and full of despair, it can also be glorious, fulfilling, rewarding and happiness incarnate. The ministry of motherhood needs to be continually affirmed by our churches and our families and our society. It is good to note that young fathers are increasingly sharing the nurturing roles of mothers and are more frequently involved in birth and child care experiences. That in itself is an affirmation of the ministry of mothers. But those of us who support the concept of laos in ministry need to be more attentive to the ways in which our society belittles motherhood.

We need to provide a correction whenever women are cast as being of lesser value than men and, especially, do we need to be strong in our affirmation of the ministry of motherhood. Related pages: Loving the Kids Family Page