The Bully Battle

The Big Bully Battle by Risa Wilkerson There's more than one way to shrink a bully down to size. When 11-year-old Jonathan was in fifth grade, there were days he didn't want to go to school. He wasn't sick. He wasn't avoiding a test. In fact, he usually liked school.

Except for recess. At recess, a bully in his class wouldn't leave him alone. "He teased me because I was so short," he remembers. "He made fun of my name." And Jonathan almost always faced the bully alone.

"My friends didn't want to get in a fight with him. He was the main bully of the school." Bullies are everywhere Jonathan is not alone. A recent survey reports that for every ten kids in class, one to two experience bullying. More than half say they have stayed home at least once because they were victims of bullying.

In fact, four of every ten public school students in grades 6 through 12 have avoided using the school bathrooms at some time out of fear of being harassed. Lauren, 9, understands why. She had trouble with a girl bullying her last year. "When I was going to the bathroom, she opened the door on me and wouldn't shut it," says Lauren. "She has slapped me across the face, and she trips me too.

" Dealing with the bully upset her at home as well as at school. "I get stomachaches and terrible headaches. I don't even want to go to school." Bullies are serious Why do bullies bully? "Bullies don't get a lot of attention. That's why they act that way," says Michael, 11.

Twelve-year-old Dane believes, "Bullies probably feel insecure inside." Both Michael and Dane are right. But in extreme cases, bullies can be a real threat. Unlike the bully who waited to beat up your dad at recess, some bullies today could have a weapon. So if you find yourself in a situation that seems scary or dangerous, go to an adult you trust--right away! Dan Olweus, an expert on bully/victim problems, says bullying can be carried out with words (teasing, threatening, calling names) or by physical contact (hits, pushes, kicks, pinches or restraining another).

Keeping someone from being a part of a group is also a way of bullying. Often a bully demands things from the victim, such as lunch, money, food, cigarettes, designer clothes or shoes. If the victim gives in, thinking this will get the bully off his back, it usually gets worse. Once a bully is rewarded for his behavior, he or she will usually keep doing it. In extreme cases, kids who are being bullied have moved to another town or committed suicide.

Olweus says bullying occurs everywhere--in every size class or school, in both the city and the country. Both boys and girls can be bullies, although boys tend to be more physical. Girls tend to bully with words--or by leaving someone out of their group. Bullies can be stopped So what can you do if someone tries to bully you? Here are a few ideas: Pray for the bully - Really! Prayer is one of the most powerful weapons you have in the bully battle. Pray that God will change the bully's heart--and his behavior.

Speak out - Don't let the bully think it's OK to pick on you. Say how you feel. Bullies are "trespassers" who need to be moved back into their own territory. Sometimes telling them, "Stop it. I don't like to be treated this way," can be enough to do that.

Ask for help - Tell a caring adult if someone repeatedly calls you names, hits or attacks you, takes away your things or stops you from using school facilities (bathrooms, lunch room, drinking fountain). It's not tattling to tell an adult when things get out of hand. Avoid trouble - Don't join gangs, wear their colors or use their symbols or hand signs. And don't act like you or your friends are better than everyone else. Be street smart - Never walk alone or hang out in hidden areas.

Be careful not to get too far away from adult supervision. Be friendly - Join after-school activities and get to know other kids who have the same interests you do. Invite them over to your house so you can get to know them outside of school. Have a group of friends. There is safety in numbers.

Don't be a mirror - Don't fight bullies by copying their actions and attitudes. The Bible says, "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger" (Proverbs 15:1). When all else fails, Jonathan suggests another tactic to use with bullies, one that seemed to work pretty well with the one who was teasing him about being short. "Just ignore them and walk away." he says.

It's not always possible, but it is often the best choice. Mind Matters: Stopping Bullies with Words One way to respond to a bully is to be smarter than he (or she!) is. This may take a little courage, but if you are willing to use your head you may be able to avoid trouble--or at least make time to get away. Here are some suggestions from the book How to Handle Bullies, Teasers and Other Meanies by Kate Cohen-Posey. Turn Insults Into Compliments.

Reply as if the bully has just said something nice. If the bully said, "You have cooties," you could reply, "Thank you. What a sweet thing to say." This takes the bully off guard. After a while, the bully leaves, because he is not getting the reaction he wants.

Ask Questions. For every insult, ask a question. For example, if the bully says, "You are ugly," you could say, "I guess that's your opinion, but why do you want to tell me that?" For every response, ask another question. Agree. The bully has nothing to fight about if you aren't disagreeing.

If the bully says you have a big nose, you could say, "Why, yes, my nose is a bit large. How sweet of you to notice." This kind of response often surprises the bully, who expects you to get hurt or mad. When they can't get the reaction they want, the "game" is no longer worth playing. For more information check out Bully Online.