Prepared for Peer Pressure

Prepared for Peer Pressure by Judy Larson As I said good night to my fifth-grader, she began to cry "Mom, when the kids at school are always using bad language, those words are in my mind, and I almost say them without thinking. But look at this verse." Stephanie handed me an index card on which she'd written Psalm 25:2 (KJV): "I trust in thee: let me not be ashamed, let not mine enemies triumph over me. " "It just fits my situation! " she said. To help her stay true to what she believed, Stephanie had carried the card to school.

"But what am I supposed to say when the kids want me to act and talk like them?" she asked, looking into my eyes. Later, as I discussed this question with my husband, we began to do some soul searching. We had laid a foundation of Scripture memory and Bible teaching from our daughters' earliest years. But now my husband's job change meant that, for the first time, Stephanie, 12, and Amy, 9, had to attend a public rather than a Christian school. Could we only stand on the sidelines, hoping and praying our teaching would pay off? Or was there still a basic skill we had failed to give them? Then we remembered how Daniel, as a teenager facing peer pressure in a foreign king's court, chose to stand for what his parents had taught him even though it could have meant his death.

Four Steps for Success His winning dialog in Daniel 1 became the basis on which we eventually created our "Steps for Success, " a series of guidelines to give our girls the verbal tools they needed when they found themselves alone against peer pressure. Enthusiastically, we called Stephanie and Amy into the kitchen for a family meeting. "Your mother and I feel we have left you two with a missing link in helping you to be not only 'hearers of the Word, but doers also,'" my husband began. "Tonight, we are going to give you words to say and a way to say them, so that when a friend asks you to do something questionable, you'll know what to say." On the message board on our kitchen wall, we asked Stephanie and Amy to write these words: When tempted to do wrong, resolve to do right by .

.. Asking a question or questions Identifying the wrong Evaluating consequences Suggesting an alternative Practicing the Principles Then we asked them to name some circumstances in which they might be tempted to follow a friend rather than do what they knew was right. Situations that quickly came to mind were: taking candy without paying from the neighborhood Mini-Mart (stealing); being asked to sneak an answer to a classmate during a test (cheating); having destructive fun with spray paint (vandalism); and skipping out of Sunday school after opening exercises (disobedience). Once they got started, the list began to grow.

We decided to zero in on exact situations and do some role-playing. This dialog, as my husband played the role of a persuading friend in "the church scene," is typical: "Hey, Stephanie. Aren't you getting tired of singing the same old songs? What do you say we skip down to the comer store for a minute? No one will miss us if we get back in time for church." We pointed to the appropriate step on our message board as we coaxed Stephanie in phrasing her response to this temptation. "What would our parents say if someone saw us and told?" Stephanie replied (Step 1).

"My parents expect me to be in Sunday school, " Stephanie continued. "I would be disobeying if I left without telling them" (Step 2). "So?" snaps the persuading friend. "Well, I don't know about you, but I'd be in trouble" (Step 3). "Tell you what.

If you stay through Sunday school, I'll ask my parents if we can go bike riding later this afternoon" (Step 4). We continually pointed to the four steps as we coaxed the girls in phrasing their sentences while walking them through the situations. After about three rehearsals each, the girls no longer needed our help with dialog. Practicing the process not only sealed the ability to respond in Stephanie's and Amy's minds, but also helped build their confidence that saying no in a positive way would not necessarily mean losing their friends. We emphasized that God had created them to do good works.

In His eyes they were special. "It's normal to want your peers to, accept you," we said, "but remaining true to who you are and your beliefs will eventually attract good friends." Real Refusals Since that evening four years ago, our daughters tell us that using one or all of the four steps has been effective numerous times. Once was last year in an eighth grade math class: "Mom, I was sitting at my desk, minding my own business, when the girl in front of me turns around and lays a white pill on my open book." (Ask questions) "'What is it?' I asked.

" "She said, 'It's speed. Try it.'" "So I asked, 'What would I want with that?'" "'You'll like it.'" (Identify the wrong) "'Take it back before the teacher sees it on my book,' I said. 'I don't want to get into trouble with her.

I don't need stuff like that anyway.'" (Evaluate consequences) "Then I said, 'Why do you take dumb stuff like that, Tracy? You know it isn't good for you.'" Grateful at my daughter's boldness, I asked, "What did she say to that, Stephanie?" "She just shrugged her shoulders, but she took back the pill and said, 'Oh, I was just kidding. It really isn't speed.'" (Suggest an alternative) "I wasn't fooled, so I told her, 'If you stayed away from that, you wouldn't be in so much trouble at school.

' She just stared at me for a minute, then turned around and left me alone." I praised Stephanie for her response, silently thanking God for His protection. "You know something," Stephanie added matter-of-factly, "I used the four steps - the ones we practiced. I wasn't even afraid ..

. once I got going." Another time, Amy was at a playmate's home when her friend started to take money from her mother's money jar "Don't you want to ask your mother first?" Amy asked (Step 1). Her friend paused a second, and then went and asked permission. All four steps weren't even necessary.

But knowing them and being ready to apply them had helped Amy respond in a positive way. Just the other day, I asked Stephanie, now a high school freshman, how she was handling peer pressure this semester. As she slowly lifted her eyes, I braced myself for the worst. "Oh, it's no big deal anymore," she said, a winning grin across her face. "By now everyone knows me and where I stand.

The party crowd no longer pesters me to join in with them ... they want to avoid my dialog that won't quit!" We both broke into hearty laughter, and my heart was full of gratitude. This article originally appeared in Moody magazine, September 1989.