Parenting Teens

Questions About Parenting Teens Generally speaking, what kind of discipline do you use with a teenager who is habitually miserable to live with? I recommend the strong use of logical and natural consequences when dealing with teens. This is a very Biblical approach and avoids the confrontations that often occur between teens and parents. For more on this method see the books: Parenting With Love and Logic by Foster Cline and Jim Fay Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours by Dr. Kevin Leman The following is an excerpt from Dr. Dobson's book, Solid Answers.

I agree with his advice and have found it to be the most effective in dealing with my own teenagers and those in the church: The general rule is to use action, not anger, to reach an understanding. Anytime you can get teenagers to do what is necessary without becoming furious at them, you are ahead of the game. Let me provide a few examples of how this might be accomplished. 1. In Russia, I'm told that teenagers who are convicted of using drugs are denied driver's licenses for years.

It is a very effective approach. 2. A family living in a house with a small hot-water tank was continually frustrated by their teenager's endless showers. Screaming at him did no good. Once he was locked behind the bathroom door, he stayed in the steamy stall until the last drop of warm water had been drained.

Solution? In midstream, Dad stopped the flow of hot water by turning a valve at the tank. Cold water suddenly poured from the nozzle. Junior popped out of the shower in seconds. Henceforth, he tried to finish bathing before the faucet turned frigid. 3.

A single mother couldn't get her daughter out of bed in the morning until she announced a new policy: The hot water would be shut off promptly at 6:30 A.M. The girl could either get up on time or bathe in ice water. Another mother had trouble getting her 8-year-old out of bed each morning. She then began pouring bowls of frozen marbles under the covers with him each morning.

They gravitated to wherever his body lay. The boy arose quite quickly. 4. Instead of standing in the parking lot and screaming at students who drive too fast, school officials now put huge speed bumps in the road that jar the teeth of those who ignore them. It does the job quite nicely.

5. You as the parent have the car a teenager needs, the money he covets, and the authority to grant or withhold privileges. If push comes to shove, these chips can be exchanged for commitments to live responsibly, share the workload at home, and stay off little brother's back. This bargaining process works for younger kids, too. I like the "one-to-one" trade-off for television viewing time.

It permits a child to watch one minute of television for every minute spent reading. The possibilities are endless, and they depend not at all on anger, threats, and unpleasantries. Our 14-year-old recently came to my husband and me to say, "I'm pregnant." Nothing has ever upset us more than hearing those words. What should our attitude toward her be now? Responding to a teenage pregnancy is one of the most difficult trials parents are ever asked to face.

When the news breaks, it's reasonable to feel anger at the girl who has brought this humiliation and pain into her life. How dare this kid do something so stupid and hurtful to herself and the entire family! Once you have caught your breath, however, a more rational and loving response is appropriate. This is no time for recrimination. There will be plenty of self-recrimination and negative consequences from the choice she has made. Your daughter needs your understanding and wisdom now, not your lectures or your anger.

She'll face many important decisions in the next few months, and you can't afford to alienate yourselves from her. She will also need your spiritual guidance as you point her to the Lord for forgiveness and direction. If you can summon a measure of strength and love at this stressful time, you should be able to create the bond that often develops between those who have survived a crisis together.