Building a Child's Self-Concept

BUILDING A CHILD'S SELF-CONCEPT Every child has some concept of self. We want this concept to be as close to God's concept of them as possible. Parents have been given the task of mirroring God's view to the children that God has entrusted to their care. Parents are the looking glass to a child to let the child know who God really is. Having a proper self-concept is essential for a healthy relationship with God and with others.

Our children are deeply flawed, but highly prized by God. Parents who are aware of their children's faults, but also proud of, have confidence in, and like their children are building a realistic self-concept and helping their children to develop inner harmony. One of our most important tasks is helping children learn to know themselves as God knows them. Here's how to build a child's self-concept. As parents we can: Love and accept a child as he is from the day he is born.

(Romans 15:7) Respect individual differences and appreciate each child's unique capabilities. (Romans 12:3-6) Show Affection - physically by cuddling a baby or young child, and by hugging an older child, or even just patting him on the back; verbally through our choice of words and our tone of voice. (Isaiah 40:11; 66:12-13; 1 Thessalonians 2:11-12) Really listen when a child talks to us. Listening attentively gives insight into how he feels, builds rapport, and gives a child a sense of significance. Besides God commands us to be slow to speak and quick to listen (James 1:19).

This applies even to parents. Help a child see himself accurately so he can appreciate his strengths and accept his limitations. (Romans 12:3) Set realistic expectations so a child can feel adequate and keep up. Inferiority results from out-of-bound goals set by perfectionist parents and other adults. (Matthew 11:28-30; 23:4) [See Stages of Responsibility: Chores at Appropriate Ages.

] Provide for productive and creative work so he can do something he can take pride in. Don't do it for him. (Ephesians 4:28) Help a child have successes - pick tasks the child can succeed in. Stress the wisdom of doing the best he can, rather than trying to be a perfectionist (Hebrews 7:19). (Perfection belongs only to God.

) Praise more than criticize. Appreciate good points more often than nagging at faults (Ephesians 4:29; Proverbs 16:21,24), but be wary of flattery that puffs up (Proverbs 29:5; Psalm 36:2). The best praise focuses on a godly character trait ("You showed real diligence in that task.") or talks about how their actions helped others ("Your violin piece brought me great joy. Thank you.

") Set limits and enforce those limits so a child knows for sure what gets God's approval and disapproval. The worst feeling for a child is a lack of control or disinterest on the part of the parents. (Hebrews 12:8) [See Underdiscipline.] Provide acceptable outlets for releasing tensions and angry feelings. Our English/German/European society is almost totally devoid of emotional apertures.

There is a proper way to emote. Show it to your child. (Ephesians 4:26; Proverbs 16:32) Treat a child with respect and consideration. This is the Biblical concept of honor (Romans 12:10; 1 Corinthians 12:22-23). Children learn what they live.

Enjoy each child and let him know we enjoy him. Children are a blessing (Psalm 127:3-5), not a curse! [See Do Children Cost Too Much?]